Anger?

I am usually a very go-with-the-flow kind of a person, which is why my anger today caught me by surprise.  Even when I realized I was angry, I couldn't help it, and wallowed in it for a while.

So here's what happened.

Going home, I have the option of taking the 10B bus from my work bus stop to a bus stop 2 or 3 blocks from my home, but that backtracks about a mile or so, taking the 10, 28a, 28bx, or 28b on a route without the backtracking, but to a bus stop 4 blocks from my house, or taking the 3 or 28a to the ferry terminal, transferring busses (which is free...and important for my story), and getting on the AP1, 10B, or 3A from there to take me back home, with the AP1 dropping me off pretty much right at my door, and the 10B and 3A dropping me off at the aforementioned stop 2 or 3 blocks from my house.  (...deep breath...)

So. Today, I took the 28A to the ferry terminal, and transferred to the AP1.  As I got on the bus, I scanned my bus card, and lo and behold, I got a long beep instead of a short beep.  Short beeps are the normal sound, and a long beep means something went wrong and it didn't scan.  I tried it again, as sometimes it just doesn't scan correctly.  I tried it yet again after receiving the long beep once more.  The bus driver told me in Cantonese that I have no money. (Remember: I am transferring busses, which is a free service in Macau).  I kindly responded in Cantonese that I have money. He then decided that my answer was not good enough, and apparently my responding in Cantonese (correctly, mind you) meant that I did not know what he was saying, so he shouted "no money" in a way that it took him 4 shouts for me to realize that he was in fact speaking English.  He then said, "PAY MONEY! PAY MONEY!" and (lightly) hit the change collecter.  I proceeded to (not quite as kindly as before) tell him in Mandarin (as I bitterly pulled out my wallet to find some coins) that I have money on the card, and I just took another bus, I shouldn't need to pay money, and I don't know why it didn't work.  I threw the change in, and walked to the back of the crowded bus.  Even if my card had no more money on it, the transfer should have been free, regardless of my account balance

I was not happy!  I realized that I actually was angry at that point.  Had I known more Chinese, I probably would have added a few more words in there expressing that frustration.  (Not the bad ones, don't worry).  But I just didn't understand why my bus card wasn't letting me transfer busses.  I of course was not angry with the driver, but he wasn't dealing with me kindly, so I didn't feel bad about not being so kind to him.  In that aspect, I was in the wrong, and I know it.

I realized I was angry, and I even tried to quell it by rationalizing with myself: it's only 3.2 pataca, which is less than 50 cents. Still: I thought about calling the bus company and complaining, and demanding my 3.2 to be refunded to me.  Then, I realized how crazy I was.  My anger subsided a little, until I went to the grocery store to figure it out.  I went and bought a few things since I was there anyway, and she rang up the groceries, I paid, and then I said in Mandarin: I want to add money.  She just ignored me completely and went to the next customer. I figured, well, maybe she just wanted to do that customer then will come back to me.  I waited 'til she was done with him, and then tried to get her attention, but she ignored me again.  AHHH

Sometimes I feel that even knowing the language, some people just refuse to help me.  I don't understand.  I learned how to say "Why are you looking at me, do I look like a monster to you" in Mandarin class today.  I need to memorize that so that I can say that next time someone stares at me because I am speaking seemingly perfect Mandarin. (I say seemingly, because supposedly my pronunciation is "amazing" but my vocabulary is quite poor.)

This all went down half an hour ago.  I'm over it now, but I just hope that next time, I don't get so angry about it.  I think later I'll be able to laugh about it and just add it to another adventure during my time abroad!