Relationship building. That is a huge chunk of my job title. When I signed up as a GEO: Relationship Builder through EFL, I was very excited. I was told that my job was (in addition to English teaching) to build relationships with students and friends, and through those relationships to share the Gospel with them. When I got that job description, I knew that this was the job for me. I love making friends. I love Jesus. Putting them together in one job was like music to my ears. I prepared for my missionary journey by talking with current and former missionaries, going to orientation, learning about Macau, and more. When I stepped on the plane, I was 100% prepared: or so I thought.
Not long after arriving in Macau, I became overwhelmed. I was unsure about shopping, getting around, speaking to people, etc, as the culture and language were completely new. Though I was ready to hit the ground running, I had to spend time figuring out how to buy food. This is where friends would have come in handy, so I decided to make friends. This was much easier said than done. Even though I encountered many people who spoke English quite well, it was difficult for me to build an actual relationship. I would contact the people that I had exchanged numbers with, and I would invite them to do something. I would receive excuse after excuse after excuse. Instead of having this great friend base that I had imagined I would have, I had almost nothing.
The friends that I was able to spend time with couldn’t spend time with me more than once or twice a month. And at that time, it was only one or 2 people. I had such a hard time adjusting from living at college, where everyone was looking to make friends, to living in a brand new city, and trying to make friends who are part of a different culture than I am used to, and who are working busy jobs on a completely opposite schedule as mine.
It took me at least a year to get my foot in the door of many relationships. I didn't really have friends until just before I went home for my first home service. For a year I struggled with numerous contacts in my phone, but few people to call. My relationships all seemed superficial. People were excited about being friends with a foreigner. I have so many ‘friends’ who would take a picture with me, ask me a few questions, and then I never heard from them again. I started to get used to it. I realized that it will be hard, if not impossible, to form a deep relationship with someone here. I had started to accept that I might not have a ‘best friend’. There were definitely times when I would share the Gospel with those that I had come to know. Many people brought up the subject and asked me questions about religion, and sometimes I would bring it up. But the end result was the same: even though I wasn’t actually forming close friendships, the Gospel was still being shared. I thought that this was as good as it would get.
But I realized something about this culture. If you aren’t close friends with someone, it’s hard for them to take you seriously. This burdened me, because the relationships that I had were very one-sided. I was always trying and being rejected for offers to spend time together. Or they would accept, but they would never invite me to anything. I was quite discouraged.
I have lived in Macau for about 2 years. Recently, my colleague who had been here for almost 3 years left the field. When she left, we had numerous goodbye parties, as is common in the culture. A cultural thing for them to do is to go around in a circle and say something nice about the person, and something that you will miss about the person. I had the opportunity to witness a few of these, and for the first time in 2 years, I realized how close my relationships were with my friends. Though they weren’t saying anything about me, my colleague and I had been expressing our frustration to each other about how superficial our friendships were with many locals. We both felt like we hadn’t formed any deep relationships, and that though people regarded us as teachers, few regarded us as friends. Hearing the teary goodbyes that my colleague received was moving. I realized that sometimes, I am so overwhelmed by the culture that I completely miss the cultural signs that I have close friends. I completely missed the fact that my friends do regard me as a friend, and that if I left tomorrow, they would miss me.
Hearing this was so encouraging for me for multiple reasons. First of all, it’s refreshing to know that people regard me as friends, because they will actually take what I say into consideration when I tell them about my Christianity. Secondly, as a human, I am in need of friendship. Having people here that I know regard me as a friend (and not merely a means to learn English) gave me a support system that I desperately needed. Third, having local friends here allows me to learn so much more about the culture, and it allows me to practice my Chinese, and to find out more information that I couldn’t have found in other places. I’ve had opportunities to eat, shop, watch movies, worship, and even travel with friends. I am so happy to be able to have a group of friends who consider me a friend, and not just a teacher.
Most importantly, when the friendships pass the barrier of student/teacher relationship, it’s easier to talk on a personal level about struggles, fears, joys, and Faith. God has allowed me to discuss this in a really personal way with many friends: both to hear what they have to say and for me to share stories and truths with them. Though I am sad that my colleague left, I am so thankful that I was able to hear her goodbye blessings, because it helped me realize that God has given me friendships that are deeper than I had realized. I pray that those relationships and more would continue to grow, and that through those relationships, more would come to know the saving grace of God, and become members of His family!
