I often try to paint missionary work as exciting, wonderful, and problem-free. I apologize for that, as I have been trying to keep my burdens to myself. My other posts haven't been lies: all of the wonderful things happen. In the midst of the struggles, there are great things. But I have sometimes left out some of the tough times that I have had, because I don't want other people to read my posts and be discouraged. I want people to feel encouraged after reading them.
Last weekend I learned that it's ok to share my struggles, and I hope that it can be helpful for you to see that I'm not just living in a dream world: I am living in the real world. Working abroad is great, and I love it most of the time. I don't want this to be a discouragement for you, but merely a glimpse into the not-as-glamorous side of working cross-culturally.
So: here we go.
It's been a strange couple of weeks, with highs and lows galore. I had a retreat over Thanksgiving. It was less of a retreat and more of meetings, but it was called a retreat. I was able to learn a lot, which was helpful. I also got to meet some of the other GEOs from the area who had just arrived a month or two ago.
Other than that, life's been interesting. I have had so much work to do lately, it's been really difficult for me to keep up with lesson planning, teaching, bible classes, and relationship building. I've somehow done it for the most part, but I am, in all honestly, exhausted. I am swamped with more work than I can do. It doesn't help that English teaching is not my passion, though I am doing it at least 40 hours a week. (including lesson planning, meetings, classes, etc). Right now it is merely a means to be in Macau building relationships and sharing the Gospel. Yes, it is also a tool of it, but it is still exhausting for me.
I don't have physically too much work: but I am exhausted from constantly being alert and constantly trying to decipher what people are saying, whether they speak Chinese or broken English, and whether it be in class or during relationship building. Sometimes when I am spending time with my friends and they speak Chinese, I literally tune them out, because I can't understand them anyway, and I just need time to myself. I know it's bad, but I tune back in once they get back to English ;)
Being completely honest, I'm gonna throw it out there that I am in need of some encouragement. On paper, nothing is going wrong right now. I am also not homesick. I am just going through a rough patch, and I could use some encouragement, whether it be through prayers, e-mails, letters, etc.
It doesn't seem logical that I am unhappy right now, because I have been surrounded by friends lately, and I even have plans for the holidays. I've been so blessed lately with some awesome friends here. I got a new phone, and I needed to manually transfer all of my contacts to my new phone. As I was doing so, I was also arranging my friends into favorites, because there was that option. As I was organizing it, I realized how many friends I actually have here in Macau. I feel really blessed. I didn't even know how to arrange my contacts in my phone because I had too many people that I wanted to put on top!
I have been exercising once or twice daily, which is helpful too. I feel very lazy here due to my exhaustion: once I get home, I just want to sit down and relax. I found that I can relax while exercising too, which helps my body AND my mind! Though I don't get to it every day, reading my Bible is helpful for my spirit as well. It's possible that that's what's missing in my life: that my personal relationship with God is stagnant...not by his doing, of course, but because of my failure to respond to the millions of blessings that he has given me.
My complaining is not something that I want to make common. But I want you to know that there are struggles that I face: these are some of my most common issues that I have: mostly a lack of energy.
Please pray for renewed energy and liveliness, and an energetic willingness to share the Gospel.
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